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Mar. 11th, 2013



7 years. Hindsight's 20/20. I don't like reading this blog because I do not like who I was.

I am currently dealing with major depressive disorder and, possibly, dissociative identity disorder. I am addicted to self-injury and have no creative outlet. That's why I'm here. I can't commit to anything, so starting a whole new blog for one or two therapeutic posts would be pointless, so I'm resurrecting this ancient thing.

Right now I'm upset because time is still moving. Last night I felt like it was morning, and despite being tired and bored, I didn't want to sleep because A: due to my insomnia, I would only be able to sleep about 4 hours, and B: then it would be tomorrow sooner. Why don't I want it to be tomorrow? Because then I have to leave the house and be a person. However at the moment I didn't want it to be today either. Eventually I said fuck it and slept.

So now it's today, and I want to leave the house because I am miserable, but I don't want to be outside because I am afraid. Severe social anxiety has conditioned me into this rut of borderline agoraphobia to the point of only ever leaving the house for work, and reluctantly so. Over the past year I have gone from solitary, to withdrawn, to isolated. I do not want to be around the people I now call my friends. At this, my therapist said I should focus on how I feel when I'm around them, as I tend to be more analytic and less emotionally aware. Now I know I don't want to be around them.

I guess that's it for now, if I keep updating this I suppose I'll make this blog less like a 12-year-old's, but we'll see.

Nov. 15th, 2006



The cafeteria defines what clique you are in, no point denying that. There are the preps, the jocks, potheads, outcasts, wannabe preps, and mentally challenged people. I fall into no catagory, and it annoys me. I am bad at making new friends, so dont harp on me to just make friends. I dont even belong with the outcasts, because they annoy the crap out of me. I sit at the jock's table, and i dont like it. I play 4-square with them, and i dont like it. Why do i do it? because they are the closest people to friends that i have.

Nov. 9th, 2006


New look?

i configured the look and feel of my LJ, you like?

just postin' about the look...

Nov. 7th, 2006


New elective

I got a new elective at school today. It was knitting. Im one of three boys there, but im with some other friends. Not much else to say, so stop reading.

Oct. 31st, 2006


Halloween is dead

There is no spirit in halloween anymore, all it is is collecting free candy from people you like, hate, and dont know. I carved pumpkins last night, and sadly i carved them alone, which was boring and depressing. I am glad though because my mom is coming with me to trick or treat because she is the only one that can come with me, and she says trick or treating alone sucks. Also, im a vegetarian (the only one imn my family) and i am sick of going out to restraunts and having to order an appetizer or a side salad because al their products are meat. Why cant i go somewhere that has a vegetarian option? Because my family loves meat!@#$%^&*()!!!!! Grrrrr...it annoys me.

-astro out-

Aug. 10th, 2006


(no subject)

yo, i got a pic for you all.

this is a pic of me kicking butt at jedi knight 2:jedi outcast (but i cheat ;) )

Jan. 8th, 2006


i dunno what the subject is

well, its sunday morning, and i am bored. BORED, BORED, BORED! i saw chronicles of narnia last night, and it was good. some parts were corny, but it was ok overall.my sister got this graphics tablet hooked up to the computer. (a pad that you draw on using a special pen and it draws a picture on paint shop pro.) My dad got around to cutting some wood for my catapult, but we had to stop yesterday because his drill was running out of power.


Dec. 24th, 2005



It is x-mas eve morning. It seems weird right now, it doesnt feel like x-mas. I saw a movie called girl, inturrupted last night. it was a sad and good movie, but the dvd was scratched, so it was more like dvd, inturrupted.

Dec. 19th, 2005



hello internet people. sorry i havent written for so long. Not much has happened. I got detention for accidently pinching someone who pushed me down. Ohhhh....read the book 'Salems Lot, by stephen king. It is sooo good. it is about vampires.:)

Dec. 12th, 2005



Argh.....i feel weird. I feel like i'm in a dream about my last week. I feel like everything has been done already and i'm just doing it over again. I cant make my own choices, it seems. Someone else is making me do it, i just cant think!It is sooooo creepy and weird. Either im just weird due to lack of sleep, or this is all just a long realistic dream. Please post if you have felt like this before for prolonged periods of time.

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