I am currently dealing with major depressive disorder and, possibly, dissociative identity disorder. I am addicted to self-injury and have no creative outlet. That's why I'm here. I can't commit to anything, so starting a whole new blog for one or two therapeutic posts would be pointless, so I'm resurrecting this ancient thing.
Right now I'm upset because time is still moving. Last night I felt like it was morning, and despite being tired and bored, I didn't want to sleep because A: due to my insomnia, I would only be able to sleep about 4 hours, and B: then it would be tomorrow sooner. Why don't I want it to be tomorrow? Because then I have to leave the house and be a person. However at the moment I didn't want it to be today either. Eventually I said fuck it and slept.
So now it's today, and I want to leave the house because I am miserable, but I don't want to be outside because I am afraid. Severe social anxiety has conditioned me into this rut of borderline agoraphobia to the point of only ever leaving the house for work, and reluctantly so. Over the past year I have gone from solitary, to withdrawn, to isolated. I do not want to be around the people I now call my friends. At this, my therapist said I should focus on how I feel when I'm around them, as I tend to be more analytic and less emotionally aware. Now I know I don't want to be around them.
I guess that's it for now, if I keep updating this I suppose I'll make this blog less like a 12-year-old's, but we'll see.